'She still looked upset': Bridesmaid insists on chocolate-free wedding

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
May 7, 2023 5:00 PM EDT

A bride and her bridesmaid are unsure what to do about this request from the bridesmaid, and it seems like no one can agree on the best course of action. 

U/Old-Material-6136 wrote to r/AmItheA**hole seeking advice. It's a sticky situation, to be sure: she and her fiancé both adore chocolate, and it was even part of the way they met each other. They wanted to incorporate the chocolate theme into their wedding, which sounds delicious for almost everyone involved. One of the bridesmaids made it clear that she cannot have any chocolate, and has worries about the food being at the event. 

Check out the full story below. Then, read another funny story here. 

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01
    Plant - 'She just left and later sent me a text saying that if I was a true friend, I'd l change the menu for her'
    via Frederick Shaw on Unsplash
  • 02
    Font - AITA for having chocolate at my wedding even though one of my bridesmaids is severely allergic? Not the A-hole Fake names and some details changed for privacy purposes. Thank you!
    via u/Old-Material-6136
  • 03
    Font - I (26F) am getting married this winter. My fiancé and I are super excited and we're beginning to plan out the menu for our reception. For context, I really love chocolate. I'm sort of a chocolate fiend and one of my hobbies is going to chocolate shops and trying to find the best artisanal chocolates. My fiancé and I actually met that way. Therefore, I'm planning on having lots of chocolate desserts at the reception and our wedding cake is going to be chocolate as well.
    via u/Old-Material-6136
  • 04
    Font - However, one of my bridesmaids (Eva) is severely allergic to chocolate. It's not an airborne allergy, but if she eats it it's serious enough that she'll go into anaphylaxis and possibly d When my fiancé and I were discussing the menu with the wedding party, she looked sort of upset. After the planning session, I pulled her aside and asked what was wrong. She told me that she felt like I wasn't taking into consideration her allergies when planning the wedding menu, and that she'd prefer it
    via u/Old-Material-6136
  • 05
    Font - I was sort of surprised since she's never had an issue with me eating chocolate around her before and I assured her there'd be non- chocolate options as well for people with allergies or for just anyone who doesn't like chocolate. But she was still upset and said that it wasn't fair that 85% of the desserts would be chocolate and that she'd feel left out if she couldn't participate in eating the wedding cake. She also brought up that the chocolate fountain we're planning to have might spl
    via u/Old-Material-6136
  • 06
    Font - I asked the rest of my bridesmaids what they thought and they're all on my side, but my parents (who don't like chocolate much) immediately took Eva's side and said that I should change the wedding cake and menu to be more inclusive. So I'm sort of in a predicament here, and any opinions would be appreciated!
    via u/Old-Material-6136
  • 07

    Commenters were totally split on who was the AH in this scenario

    Font - Don_Ciccio Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] NTA - it's your wedding, not Eva's. By providing non-chocolate desserts and separating them, you've already made reasonable accomodations. If Eva was a true friend, she would let you enjoy your wedding and stop being such a pill.
    via u/Don_Ciccio

    Some saw the brides' point, which is that it is her wedding, and she can do as she pleases. 

  • 08
    Font - calliatom Really, the only further accomodation I would offer is putting her near the front of the line to make sure that she gets some, or having the caterers hold a plate just for her, since it sounds like it's going to be buffet style and it could be an issue if enough people just don't like chocolate/want less of it than the bride and groom.
    via u/calliatom
  • 09
    Font - Edit: thinking about it, I would discuss the second option with your caterers OP, because you're going to have to seriously discuss it with them anyway since it's a) a very unusual allergy, and b) serious enough that kitchen cross contamination is going to be a concern.
    via u/calliatom
  • 10
    Font - KPinCVG This is a really thoughtful suggestion. It would be great if the caterer could put together a plate just for her before everything starts and Saran wrap it. That way she would definitely get her choice of the items, and they would definitely be chocolate-free.
    via u/KPinCVG
  • 11
    Font - If you or one of your minions has the time you could also grab a dessert that she specifically loves and have it for her at dessert time. We do this for my friend's daughter that has ARFID. We always make sure we have food that she can eat.
    via u/KPinCVG
  • 12
    Font - Old-Material- 6136 OP This is a really good idea, thank you! That way, we can avoid cross contamination. I'll pass it along to the caterer.
    via u/Old-Material-6136
  • 13
    Font - bluebook2000 Colo-rectal Surgeon [36] You made accommodations already. There will be non-choc items. Your parents need to focus on whose wedding it is. ΝΤΑ
    via u/bluebook2000
  • 14
    Font - calliatom Parta pant [3] Just having non- chocolate items is enough for the other guests, but I would be concerned about cross contamination if I was Eva. OP needs to have an "I have a guest with a severe, unusual allergy, and I need an accomodation for them" discussion with the caterers if they really want Eva to be able to go.
    via u/calliatom
  • 15
    Font - Old-Material-6136 OP. Our chocolate desserts are being provided by a chocolate shop and our non-chocolate desserts are being catered by a separate place. I've also already informed the venue and we're planning on putting up signs on the tables to tell people not to bring chocolate items over to the non-chocolate table.
    via u/Old-Material-6136
  • 16
    Font - NickyOnHerknees. You may also want to have someone standing at the tables that will be watching out to make sure ppl are following the rules, just a thought I think you trying your best to keep her safe while also keeping things sentimental.
    via u/NickyOnHerknees
  • 17
    Font - Family_Chantal. She could just not eat dessert that night. Not a big deal. Tons of people don't eat dessert. Nta.
    via u/Family_Chantal
  • 18
    Font - Iataaddicted25 Pooperintendant [57] NTA. I hate it when brides say, "but it's my day", however, it is in fact your and your fiance's day. You should have the desserts and cake you love. 15% non- chocolate desserts are enough for the guests that can't eat chocolate. It could be different if the allergy was airborne though.
    via r/AmItheA**hole
  • 19
    Font - o Symone_009 ESH. It's your wedding but you have a bridesmaid that is deathly allergic to chocolate and you plan to have a choc-out wedding. She doesn't have to physically eat a dessert for her to get contaminated. Are you making sure the catering staff know to use gloves? Is the person making the desserts using gloves, are they washing their stations after making the chocolate desserts? So much does into allergies, she has a right to be upset. I honestly just wouldn't attend if I was her
    via u/Symone_009
  • 20

    Some people thought that there was a bit of blame to go around, but the bride could ultimately ensure her bridesmaids' safety while still having a fun time

    Font - pudgesquire Parta pant [1] WeeeeelIIIII... as someone who despises chocolate, it sounds like I personally would not have a good time at your wedding in terms of dessert. To be clear, your wedding menu ultimately comes down to what you and your fiancé want but I DO think it might be nice of you to consider offering a wider variety of dessert options for your guests. Not everyone wants to drown in chocolate like Augustus Gloop and unless you have a lot of passionate chocolate eaters in atte
    via u/pudgesquire
  • 21
    Font - As someone who also has a weird allergy, I can empathize with your bridesmaid. I won't eat something if it's in the same general vicinity as my food allergen and I worry quite a bit about cross-contamination if I see it on the menu. Someone else has already said this but you absolutely MUST flag the severity of your friend's allergy to your caterer.
    via u/pudgesquire
  • 22
    Font - This isn't just a matter of them keeping the final desserts separate but that awareness will impact the precautions they take in the kitchen. I don't think your friend approached this the right way but I can understand why, in her mind, she sees chocolate all over the menu and thinks "great, risk of death just went up 85%." I'm going to say NTA because, again, it is your wedding but I think you should have a conversation with your friend to see what kitchen precautions/alternatives would
    via u/pudgesquire

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

aita bride bridesmaids friends wedding dessert chocolate
Scroll Down For The Next Article